Saturday, December 8, 2007
i think we should mate...i said date, you know, socially
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007
'tis the season of giving (how fitting for a sub ;)
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007
too much, too soon
i thought this would be a good time to start writing about some of my real (both past and present) experiences. obviously, i am not going to use any real names, and some of the content may be edited to protect myself and/0r anyone else involved. what i am going to do it try to be as genuine as possible in describing all my fun (and not-so-fun) forays into the bdsm realm.
as my blog title states, i am a single white submissive. i currently do belong to any Domme and i do not have a regular girlfriend. in fact, i have never at any point in my life "belonged" to a Domme. sure, i have played with some, chatted with even more, but i have never gotten to the point where i have signed a contract, been collared, or done anything to signify i am owned. i have put much thought into why this is. i mean, i am not conceited in the least, but i consider myself a good looking guy, my first self has many friends, and i am outgoing and get along with most people. it shouldn't be that hard to find a Domme that i click with, should it? i have found that it's not getting along with the Domme that is the problem; it is a matter of finding a Domme whose D/s interests best fit my own. i am not saying i would need a Domme who is a mirror image of me, but i am not about to compromise myself or my desires simply to be some Domme's submissive.
take for instance this Domme i met through alt.com a few years ago. we emailed back and forth a few times, talked on the phone for about 45 minutes and then decided to meet up later that week. we were about the same age and we actually seemed to have a lot in common outside of bdsm. She described herself as a total Dominant, never ever having even an inkling of being submissive. i will be honest, that turned me on more than anything. to me, any woman who defines herself that way means she has thought about it. before this encounter, most of my experiences had involved girls who never thought about being Dominant before they met me. they had merely filled that role in an attempt to make me happy, which usually took some convincing (i just read that over, and i just realized a paradox exists somewhere in that last sentence).
when i arrived She immediately exerted Her power and commanded me to strip immediately after closing the door behind me. as i did i am not going to lie, i was hard. very, very hard. She then led me over to Her coffee table and proceeded to tie me to it, on my knees, bent over, with my hands behind my back. at this point i start to get a little nervous. this was the first girl i have met after meeting online. we did exchange emails and talked on the phone and exchanged personal information for safety's sake, but once i was secure to that coffee table, i was completely at Her mercy. with my adrenaline pumping full force, i could not recall a time i was more nervous/turned on in all my life; this also stemmed from the fact i knew what this Domme was into, and that was pain. i could see the pleasure in Her face as She began pulling my hair, spanking me with a hairbrush, and scratching my back with Her long nails. no girl had ever been so rough with me. each slap made my ass sting more and more and the scratch marks on my back were now burning. although it was the most intense pain my second self had ever felt, never once did i think about uttering my safe word. after working my backside over, She proceeded to tie me lying down flat, again, on Her coffee table. as much She loved spanking and scratching me, She absolutely enjoyed pinching my nipples even more! while tied on my back, She also took the time to tease me with Her mouth, but also took even more time putting me through the roughest cbt up to that point! needless to say, i was sore the next day. i felt as though my body had been put through the ringer, as even the pressure from my shower against my chest reminded me of how much pain they were in the day before.
throughout the whole experience, all i can remember is mixed emotions. on one hand, i very much enjoyed being dominated by this young woman, i loved being tied up (She had a talent for knots!), and it gave me much satisfaction to see how much She was enjoying Herself. on the other hand, i do not know if i were ready to have such an intense experience with a girl who i hardly knew. after it was all over and i was about to leave, i knew in the back of my head i wasn't sure i wanted to see Her again. it's like kissing someone you hardly know when you are out on the weekend. sure, it's good at the time and it's exactly what you wanted to do when you went out, but when it's all over and she proceeds to go dance with another guy, you just can't help but feel a little empty, a little distant. it was as if it were too much, too soon. there was no building up to it. i think i would have felt much better about the whole thing if we had just started off slowly, maybe just tying me up the first time, then get into the intense activities after an emotional connection was established. as i type this, the more i am convinced that finding my second self's perfect Domme has much more in common with my first self's perfect girl. (i actually did look up and to the left after i typed that, as if i were on a tv show having a flashback/daydream, weird). i know this entry kind of ends abruptly, but i decided that i am going to give that last thought more attention and dedicate a future entry solely to it. questions, comments and/or concerns? let me have it.
as my blog title states, i am a single white submissive. i currently do belong to any Domme and i do not have a regular girlfriend. in fact, i have never at any point in my life "belonged" to a Domme. sure, i have played with some, chatted with even more, but i have never gotten to the point where i have signed a contract, been collared, or done anything to signify i am owned. i have put much thought into why this is. i mean, i am not conceited in the least, but i consider myself a good looking guy, my first self has many friends, and i am outgoing and get along with most people. it shouldn't be that hard to find a Domme that i click with, should it? i have found that it's not getting along with the Domme that is the problem; it is a matter of finding a Domme whose D/s interests best fit my own. i am not saying i would need a Domme who is a mirror image of me, but i am not about to compromise myself or my desires simply to be some Domme's submissive.
take for instance this Domme i met through alt.com a few years ago. we emailed back and forth a few times, talked on the phone for about 45 minutes and then decided to meet up later that week. we were about the same age and we actually seemed to have a lot in common outside of bdsm. She described herself as a total Dominant, never ever having even an inkling of being submissive. i will be honest, that turned me on more than anything. to me, any woman who defines herself that way means she has thought about it. before this encounter, most of my experiences had involved girls who never thought about being Dominant before they met me. they had merely filled that role in an attempt to make me happy, which usually took some convincing (i just read that over, and i just realized a paradox exists somewhere in that last sentence).
when i arrived She immediately exerted Her power and commanded me to strip immediately after closing the door behind me. as i did i am not going to lie, i was hard. very, very hard. She then led me over to Her coffee table and proceeded to tie me to it, on my knees, bent over, with my hands behind my back. at this point i start to get a little nervous. this was the first girl i have met after meeting online. we did exchange emails and talked on the phone and exchanged personal information for safety's sake, but once i was secure to that coffee table, i was completely at Her mercy. with my adrenaline pumping full force, i could not recall a time i was more nervous/turned on in all my life; this also stemmed from the fact i knew what this Domme was into, and that was pain. i could see the pleasure in Her face as She began pulling my hair, spanking me with a hairbrush, and scratching my back with Her long nails. no girl had ever been so rough with me. each slap made my ass sting more and more and the scratch marks on my back were now burning. although it was the most intense pain my second self had ever felt, never once did i think about uttering my safe word. after working my backside over, She proceeded to tie me lying down flat, again, on Her coffee table. as much She loved spanking and scratching me, She absolutely enjoyed pinching my nipples even more! while tied on my back, She also took the time to tease me with Her mouth, but also took even more time putting me through the roughest cbt up to that point! needless to say, i was sore the next day. i felt as though my body had been put through the ringer, as even the pressure from my shower against my chest reminded me of how much pain they were in the day before.
throughout the whole experience, all i can remember is mixed emotions. on one hand, i very much enjoyed being dominated by this young woman, i loved being tied up (She had a talent for knots!), and it gave me much satisfaction to see how much She was enjoying Herself. on the other hand, i do not know if i were ready to have such an intense experience with a girl who i hardly knew. after it was all over and i was about to leave, i knew in the back of my head i wasn't sure i wanted to see Her again. it's like kissing someone you hardly know when you are out on the weekend. sure, it's good at the time and it's exactly what you wanted to do when you went out, but when it's all over and she proceeds to go dance with another guy, you just can't help but feel a little empty, a little distant. it was as if it were too much, too soon. there was no building up to it. i think i would have felt much better about the whole thing if we had just started off slowly, maybe just tying me up the first time, then get into the intense activities after an emotional connection was established. as i type this, the more i am convinced that finding my second self's perfect Domme has much more in common with my first self's perfect girl. (i actually did look up and to the left after i typed that, as if i were on a tv show having a flashback/daydream, weird). i know this entry kind of ends abruptly, but i decided that i am going to give that last thought more attention and dedicate a future entry solely to it. questions, comments and/or concerns? let me have it.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
the more things change, the more they stay the same
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Saturday, December 1, 2007
the oversaturation of male submissives and its effects on the worldwide bondage market
recent market activity has show that the price of submissives has plummeted due to the north american market being flooded with "male sub seeks Domme". ok, so i have never taken an economics class aside from "economics 101", so i am not going to write a long diatribe spouting off statistics. i am merely going to go off of my experiences in trying to find a Domme.
i don't think i seriously started looking for a dominant girl until college. i would usually just reveal my second self to my girlfriends after we have already started dating. as you can well imagine, this caused problems. most of the time they would humor me, tie me up every once and a while, maybe let me tie them up; regardless, they would always get sick of it after a while and say stuff like "why can't we just have normal sex all the time?" though it was not intended, a statement that is phrased like that can cut pretty deep (this issue i plan on making it its own post) after a while i finally gave up trying to tell girls about my second self as it was causing me to regress more than anything else. the more girls i told who thought i was "weird", the less and less i wanted to tell anyone at all. when i finally got to college and found myself surrounded by literally thousands of new people my age, i felt it would be time to start to seek out Dominant Women.
like most people, i had no idea where to begin. i just began scouring the world wide web in search of a place where my second self would be welcomed. the first site i came across that showed some promise was the ever popular alt.com. for those of you that aren't familiar with the site, it's a friendster for kinky people. i immediately posted a profile and pic of myself, figuring the messages would start pouring in. they didn't. and i had no idea why. i was young (19 at the time), in great shape, cute, etc., why weren't the Domme's all pining for my services? the entire time i was browsing the site and looking at profiles, i was strictly looking at only the profiles of Dommes aged 18-35. i was on the site so often that i would know immediately if some new Domme in that range created a profile. then one day it hit me: i should see what other male subs are posting so i could see if i was doing anything wrong. once i entered the male sub profile list, i knew it immediately dawned on me why no one cared about this new sub. there were literally 20 times more male sub profiles than there were Dommes. how does one compete with that? how do you make yourself stick out when you are, for all intents and purposes, a needle in a haystack?
Dommes can afford to be ultra picky in their choice of submissive because they, at any given time, have several submissives vying for their attention. this is not to say a Domme should not be picky, on the contrary, a Domme should take the utmost care in selecting Her sub, i am only trying to point out that a submissive has to have something that catches the Dommes eye or else he gets lost among the dozens of emails She receives each day. i even did a little experiment and created a profile posing as a Domme. no pic, very little information, yet, i still received a handful of messages each day from submissives seeking a Domme.
i next tried to figure out why there were so many male submissives out there. maybe people just think being a submissive is easier than being a Dominant? maybe it's a lot easier for a guy to come out and say how he feels on the matter? if i were submissive female, i guess i would find it easy to find a Dominant. perhaps it is a gender thing. the norm is for the male to be the dominant one in a relationship, so perhaps it's a lot easier to go from Dominant to submissive than it is to go from submissive to Dominant. i have no idea, this is all just speculation. all in all, i don't think i will ever understand it as every submissive sees the D/s world from his own eyes. every submissive has a story to tell and knows the core reasons why he is submissive.
sorry for this long list of questions, but it's something i truly ponder over from time to time. i would love to hear what you all think on the matter.
i don't think i seriously started looking for a dominant girl until college. i would usually just reveal my second self to my girlfriends after we have already started dating. as you can well imagine, this caused problems. most of the time they would humor me, tie me up every once and a while, maybe let me tie them up; regardless, they would always get sick of it after a while and say stuff like "why can't we just have normal sex all the time?" though it was not intended, a statement that is phrased like that can cut pretty deep (this issue i plan on making it its own post) after a while i finally gave up trying to tell girls about my second self as it was causing me to regress more than anything else. the more girls i told who thought i was "weird", the less and less i wanted to tell anyone at all. when i finally got to college and found myself surrounded by literally thousands of new people my age, i felt it would be time to start to seek out Dominant Women.
like most people, i had no idea where to begin. i just began scouring the world wide web in search of a place where my second self would be welcomed. the first site i came across that showed some promise was the ever popular alt.com. for those of you that aren't familiar with the site, it's a friendster for kinky people. i immediately posted a profile and pic of myself, figuring the messages would start pouring in. they didn't. and i had no idea why. i was young (19 at the time), in great shape, cute, etc., why weren't the Domme's all pining for my services? the entire time i was browsing the site and looking at profiles, i was strictly looking at only the profiles of Dommes aged 18-35. i was on the site so often that i would know immediately if some new Domme in that range created a profile. then one day it hit me: i should see what other male subs are posting so i could see if i was doing anything wrong. once i entered the male sub profile list, i knew it immediately dawned on me why no one cared about this new sub. there were literally 20 times more male sub profiles than there were Dommes. how does one compete with that? how do you make yourself stick out when you are, for all intents and purposes, a needle in a haystack?
Dommes can afford to be ultra picky in their choice of submissive because they, at any given time, have several submissives vying for their attention. this is not to say a Domme should not be picky, on the contrary, a Domme should take the utmost care in selecting Her sub, i am only trying to point out that a submissive has to have something that catches the Dommes eye or else he gets lost among the dozens of emails She receives each day. i even did a little experiment and created a profile posing as a Domme. no pic, very little information, yet, i still received a handful of messages each day from submissives seeking a Domme.
i next tried to figure out why there were so many male submissives out there. maybe people just think being a submissive is easier than being a Dominant? maybe it's a lot easier for a guy to come out and say how he feels on the matter? if i were submissive female, i guess i would find it easy to find a Dominant. perhaps it is a gender thing. the norm is for the male to be the dominant one in a relationship, so perhaps it's a lot easier to go from Dominant to submissive than it is to go from submissive to Dominant. i have no idea, this is all just speculation. all in all, i don't think i will ever understand it as every submissive sees the D/s world from his own eyes. every submissive has a story to tell and knows the core reasons why he is submissive.
sorry for this long list of questions, but it's something i truly ponder over from time to time. i would love to hear what you all think on the matter.
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